Barcelona

Well here I am in Barcelona, I have never been to this city before and I got here at around 7pm in the evening after a long old drive up the east coast of spain, through Murcia and past Valencia, I am tired and pretty excited to be here, saying that I am soon to go to bed. I have checked into a hostal as I wanted to be with people rather than on my own in a hotel, and I have achieved the desired affect. My Spanish speaking is definately getting better and I could imagine living in this Gothic City. It really has got it all, the sea, the architecture, the mountains, the night life and of course the girls. Not sure if this is true however there seems to be more girls than guys which makes a wonderful change.

Life for me is good. I am 2.5 years clean and all the outside elements of life that indicate "winner!" are on the way up, more money, new car, great flat, freedom, music, studio sessions, travelling, hanging out with the kids, checking out the women, making passes, getting blown out, paying off debts, building a business, making some friends, isolating and much much more... all these things and more are flowering in my garden of recovery, although I must say that I still have the emptiness I have always felt, ever since I can remember.

Robbie Williams sings in one of his tracks about having a "hole in the soul" and i guess I can relate, well there is no guessing about it to be honest. There is a degree of separation between myself and my neighbour. I either feel as if I am better or worse than the person next to me. I always need to be looking outside myself for a fix to the way I feel. I have never settled. And you know what? That is ok. There will be a time when the search is called off, due to the fact that time has called a halt on this game called Life.

I have always been a deep thinker and now I am realising how pointless all teh thinking is when the reality is just this, nothing more nothing less. I have what I have in my life and its incredible, I just need to spend more time seeing than understanding as there really is nothing more for me to understand, there never was.

I am supposed to feel good about this post, well the truth is I don't, I feel shit. Is this it? Am I a wasted musician and single father, if that is the case my ego can never cope with it all, it is just not enough.

Tomorrow night I am off to play with Franck Taieb and gang at MooM in Toulon. If you find yourself in the area then drop me a line, the food is incredible and the last time I played there we all had a great time.