Snowboarding

The beauty of snowboarding is sticking a piece of wood on my feet and throwing myself down a mountain as fast as possible and pretending I am in control of my actions. I feel as if I am an 18 year old boy again, however this time (touch wood) the consequences of my actions are not so fierce. It has been a long time since I have found myself behind bars, in a brothel, checking myself into an institution, or thinking about putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger.

In fact life is just swell at the moment. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and I am learning how to have relationships with people on a regular basis. I enjoy working as a maintenance man for a ski company, I find pleasure in building the fire, cleaning the toilets, driving the mini bus and ticking off the jobs in the maintenance book.



The big boss is called Debbie, then there is Charlie and my boss is called Chris. Chris is 22 and a great guy and I am able to relate to him. The average age of the crew is 22, and it is not by chance that I find myself surrounded by young adults all looking for the next rush. Its great! I believe that emotionally I am 22 and learning to live again. I guess I missed out on some excellent lessons when I was 22. At that age I was full of fear and I had no faith in myself at all and therefore no trust in other people.

I have had up and downs since I have been here however now a days I can deal with life on life´s terms. I can accept where I am and to be honest I am coming to terms with who I am. I understand that to really gain the full benefit of recovery I have to risk everything and take life by the scruff of the neck. I have long way to go regarding exposing myself in my writing and there are certain topics that I have not even approached yet. My parents, sex, prison, sabotage of success and fear of failure.

Everything has a time and place and patience is the perfect virture for me to learning, and whilst I learn patience I learn acceptance of who I am and of others. Everything is just the way it is meant to be. We are perfect and that is what I forget. Even the criticism I have recieved is perfect, every word and sentiment is a lesson for me that only makes me stronger, and propels me forward. I have never been prouder than anything in my life than I am regarding Recovery. I am pious to a certain extent, and that´s ok as well.

I was chatting to a client this evening and he asked me what I was doing in the Alps. I explained i was a musician, and I had been in Rehab, and I opened my soul to another human being. We then spoke as people without any masks, it was a great discussion and I learnt that I am not alone regarding my fears for myself, for my children, and my belief that the UK is broken, waiting to be fixed.

So I continue and I guess you continue as well. We are up to 130 subsribers online, we have a new album coming out in the very near future. There are new venues on the horizon and a music studio being sent over from London to record a brand new album called Á Miilionaire´s Playground. Dan Fell and The Arganouts are coming over for a week to cause havoc in the Alps in March.

I am alive, I can feel the blood boarding through my viens. The mountains turn me on and with time I will have more time to concentrate on dilivering my dreams to a live audience. One at a time, that is the beauty of recovery.

I wish you love. I wish you peace and serenity.