After 8 years of legal battles my two kids are now asleep in my second rented room. Recovery has given me freedom from the fear that dominated my thinking and my actions. I have been in recovery now for over 5 years, and I am going to meetings less and less. I find that AA creates a sense of fear amongst its members; the fellowship needs fear for the fellowship to have any relevance. I see people with 5, 9, 20, 40 years of sobriety and I have to say they are miserable. I would prefer to be drunk.
People are in relationships simply because they cannot bear to be alone, and they hate each other. There are so many negatives of the fellowship I would be here for ever. Having said that recovery does not always go hand in hand with fellowship, in fact in my opinion the road gets narrower. I used to need the affirmation I found in the rooms and now I am pleased to say that I need very little of anything from anyone, I ok just being me.
So Jacob and Eloise are staying at the moment and we are having a lot of fun. I do not have enough money but I never have enough money. I am working on a whole new bunch of songs and loving the process, and I am filming, editing, working with Data Centers, setting up a boot camp, and I am fit as fiddle. I don't smoke, don't drink and I don't do drugs.
I am not in a relationship. There is part of me that would like to be in a relationship but only with the right girl at the right time and not before. I do not want to start something just for the sake of starting something I just can't be arsed, there has to be value in everything I do today as it is a joy to be alive.
I am lucky; I feel like I have woken up to what it is I, and all the world is about. Life is enough today, life is all we have anyway.
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