Well here I am in Barcelona, I have never been to this city before and I got here at around 7pm in the evening after a long old drive up the east coast of spain, through Murcia and past Valencia, I am tired and pretty excited to be here, saying that I am soon to go to bed. I have checked into a hostal as I wanted to be with people rather than on my own in a hotel, and I have achieved the desired affect. My Spanish speaking is definately getting better and I could imagine living in this Gothic City. It really has got it all, the sea, the architecture, the mountains, the night life and of course the girls. Not sure if this is true however there seems to be more girls than guys which makes a wonderful change.
Life for me is good. I am 2.5 years clean and all the outside elements of life that indicate "winner!" are on the way up, more money, new car, great flat, freedom, music, studio sessions, travelling, hanging out with the kids, checking out the women, making passes, getting blown out, paying off debts, building a business, making some friends, isolating and much much more... all these things and more are flowering in my garden of recovery, although I must say that I still have the emptiness I have always felt, ever since I can remember.
Robbie Williams sings in one of his tracks about having a "hole in the soul" and i guess I can relate, well there is no guessing about it to be honest. There is a degree of separation between myself and my neighbour. I either feel as if I am better or worse than the person next to me. I always need to be looking outside myself for a fix to the way I feel. I have never settled. And you know what? That is ok. There will be a time when the search is called off, due to the fact that time has called a halt on this game called Life.
I have always been a deep thinker and now I am realising how pointless all teh thinking is when the reality is just this, nothing more nothing less. I have what I have in my life and its incredible, I just need to spend more time seeing than understanding as there really is nothing more for me to understand, there never was.
I am supposed to feel good about this post, well the truth is I don't, I feel shit. Is this it? Am I a wasted musician and single father, if that is the case my ego can never cope with it all, it is just not enough.
Tomorrow night I am off to play with Franck Taieb and gang at MooM in Toulon. If you find yourself in the area then drop me a line, the food is incredible and the last time I played there we all had a great time.
3 comments:
Nice one Dave - just keep breathing buddy (and let that ego float away). Hope you had a great gig. Much love, DMW.
Hi Dave love, hope you are enjoying Barcelona.
Regarding that whole "Hole in the Soul" thing, you sound like you need to read a bit of Ecclesiastes...
"Got God?" can sound a very trite and glib response to someone, but I have truly found that the times in my life when I have felt rather empty and that things are lacking in meaning have been the times that I have been the most out of touch with God. I can't tell you how to find Him; He sort of found me I guess, but He's there, waiting...
Big kiss for you and hope those two gorgeous kids of yours are doing well.
Love, Loverly Leese XX
Lovely Leese,
thanks for your message it is always lovely to read from you and to see just that the last time was such a sad occassion which is hard to come to terms with at times.
You know I was brought up a Catholic, I went to choir school, taught by religious brothers, church on Sundays and lots of lovely family activities. I was blessed with my upbringing.
God was the holy father, jesus was his son who saved the earht from its sins, and the holy sipirt was something I did not comprehend. I was always taught that if I was good on earth then I would go to heaven a place of love and peace.
Well Leese that story is a load of rubbish. The church is one big bank and there is no dude at the gates called Micheal who is going to let me in to eternal bliss and happiness. And you know what. Thats ok!
So when you talk about HIM, I relate to you because you are talking about LIFE! This is it! There is nothing more than this! This is heaven and this is hell. This is beauty and the beast rolled up in one.
And then when I think of you I think of peace, as you are peaceful to me, you always have been and I love you for that.
Lots of love to you and your family.
C
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