New Years Eve

I have had some ups and some downs this week. I would firstly like to say that the growing relationship between myself and the mother of my children is becoming one aspect of my life that encourages me to become a better person. She has only showed me support and love since I have come into recovery, I understand that she has always put the children first, and has never stopped me from being their father. I am proud of her and I am so grateful that I fell in love with her when I did. I´m a lucky man. I have my children in my life when a lot of mothers would have made it very difficult for the father to be involved. Its hard to explain, and I feel I love her now, when before I just needed her to love me. We are becoming friends. Its great. We have peace.

And peace is something I am finding hard to come by in the Alps, there is no time just to sit and think, to read a book, learn the language, write a song or even to go for a run. This time of year is notoriously difficult in recovery. Last year I was in South Africa surrounded by addicts of one shape or form and this year I am surrounded by life. Its ok you know although it is life that is very draining.

I have been playing and the gigs in Le Terminus have been going really well. I played at the venue last night and I must say it was not very inspirational as I was not on top form. This has got to be natural for performers, we have our ups and our downs, and right now I am struggling for the energy to move forward. Its hard to recognise that one more day in recovery is a success and anything more than the bear minimun is a plus. Gratitude leads to acceptance and maybe one day I might feel some form of humility.

I played at Munster Bar on Sunday night and as I played there I felt as if I was a square peg being forced into a round hole. Its so important that where and when I play benefit my art and I am not playing just because I am being paid cash to do so. This is not about money for me and it never has been. I want to create things and to develop my skills. I spoke to Munster about New Years and I beleived that they wanted me to play, however they have not come back to me to confirm one way or the other. This is not personal however this sort of behaviour does make me feel less than. The problem is mine not the bar´s. I just hate rejection.

However I have some apre-ski opportunities coming up in St Gervais at La Boose and Chamonix at Gustavia and I will keep you posted with the development. We have sent out over 60 free MP3´s in two weeks and I would really like to hit 10,000 people in 12 months. So if you fancy joining the gang and holding hands whilst we dance for a bit then just follow the link and sign up.

Who knows if I can get 10,000 downloads in 12 months however I am going to give it a go.

I wish you all well for the New Year, may all your wishes come true just be carefull for what you wish for.